Daily Journal: Isolation and depression


Read the magnet. via tatianamik
Read the magnet. via tatianamik

One of the major feelings of depressions is isolation. This makes things worse for me. I am isolated. I am 1150 miles from home. I am 1160 miles from my best friends. It would take me 20 hours of driving time to get there. That’s 0 stops and praying traffic is decent in the cities. It was like 24 hours on the trip here. I make use of various things, texts, Skype, Ventrillo with my guild, Facebook, twitter to keep in some form of communication.  I have the cats but they are just not the same as human contact.  I don’t make close friends easily. There are many people I am friendly with, but none that are close as my 3 best friends. We can be apart for years, but the minute we’re back together we’re just the same as we were. I miss that. We were together for a while, but now life is spreading us out again.  But the fact that I work as a travel and I’m so temporary in an area complicates the isolation of the depression. Plus I’m night shift. I’m asleep while everyone else is awake. I’m awake when everyone else is asleep. The isolation is pretty well a fact of life. Some days I feel more connected to characters in fictional stories than I do real people. I see more of their lives. I think this is part of the reason I prefer TV shows over movies. I get to spend longer with the characters. I get into their lives. I spend a lot of time with audiobooks as well. Comments help, it’s like starting a conversation. I know someone is listening and wants to communicate.

Advertisements

5 comments

  1. You’re not alone! I’ve felt the same way this past year. Prayer and meditation and having faith has made me stronger! Don’t let the isolation make you depressed! Stay strong! We all have to grow up soon! I hope you feel better!

  2. I feel your pain 😦
    Fighting a depression is a terrible ordeal. Brave of you to write openly about it.

    ***

    i just wrote a lenghty something personal, and upon re-reading it before publising I suddenly realised that I hated it myself when people did that to me. So I deleted it 🙂

    I hope you find inner strenght to battle the depression demons.

    • It is hard to write & hit that publish button. But in a way it is therapeutic. It gets it out there. It gets the fear outside of you… If that makes sense in any way.
      When I was first dealing with depression 3 years ago I was fairly open about it. Of course even random strangers could see it, because I was crying at everything, even TV commercials.

  3. Yep makes perfect sense.

    When I was dealing with my ordeal I had quite the opposite. I just wanted to be left alone. No people around me. I couldn’t stand small talk, the everyday routines dealing with people, friends, family, colleagues etc. I had so little energy left. Knowing I worked in retail then, you can imagine it was a nightmare every single day.

    It was only after hitting rock bottom, and being on the verge of loosing everything (job, wife) that something clicking inside me. And I realised I just couldn’t fight it on my own. That’s almost 4 years ago now.

    I know where you are right now, how it feels. It’s difficult to explain to someone who never had to deal with a depression. I can’t remember the times people said to me ‘It will get better in time’ ‘Things will change’ etc … All meant well, but not really helpful.

    A depression, a real depression, is part of you. It’s deep inside your core. It consumes you, slowly. It’s always there, lingering. But yeah, try to explain that to someone who never had to deal with it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s